"The Onion Movie"

I wonder what The Onion AV Club reviewers would say about "The Onion Movie" if they were allowed to write about it. I'm guessing they'd slam it pretty hard for being a steaming pile of poo.

Was Jesus the Smartest Person Who Ever Lived?

And if He was (and, for the doubters out there, I think I could strike up a pretty sound argument on behalf of the idea that - by definition - the son of God had to [and has to] rank right up there with the best of the best of the brightest), then is it reasonable to assume that he knew about gravity but didn't tell anyone? What kind of a dick move is that? Or that he knew that the Earth revolved around the sun but was like, "aw, I'll let 'em figure it out in a few thousands years, let a few people die trying to prove it, no skin off my back."

I mean, if you think about, here's a guy who performed miracles (e.g. turning water into wine) which clearly involved a pretty advanced understanding of chemistry and physics - advanced and unknowable even in this day and age. Yet he didn't even take the time to tell people about proper hygiene or simple mathematics that would have greatly improved and extended the lives of the people that he "died" in order to save.

Jesus, bro. No love for science. Disappointing.