tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7112981.post113449609033484763..comments2023-10-26T06:19:35.938-07:00Comments on The American Mastodon: JUST A FEW IDEAS TO SAVE THE WORLDUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7112981.post-1134520816852322912005-12-13T16:40:00.000-08:002005-12-13T16:40:00.000-08:00Jesus. Did everyone chug an extra glass of long-wi...Jesus. Did everyone chug an extra glass of long-windedness today?<BR/><BR/>I knew it was you, <A HREF="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005266/" REL="nofollow">Craig</A>!Ianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11915831532168925709noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7112981.post-1134516014030774382005-12-13T15:20:00.000-08:002005-12-13T15:20:00.000-08:00I think a Mr. T comeback--one that stretches beyon...I think a Mr. T comeback--one that stretches beyond collect-call commercials--is long overdue. I might even get myself thrown in prison just for a chance to be on a show hosted by Mr. T.TJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13088461995698326658noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7112981.post-1134510087941269712005-12-13T13:41:00.000-08:002005-12-13T13:41:00.000-08:00For one thing, don't use my name. There are milli...For one thing, don't use my name. There are millions of people who read this site and if they divine my true identity I'll have to move out of my apartment and get a new identity, and we don't want that.<BR/><BR/>Second of all, talking to you is like talking to a monkey. I say stuff and say stuff and I don't think anything is getting through but everyone once in awhile you clap your hands or smile or something so I think, "well, maybe he understands what I'm saying," but really, you're only shrieking and jumping up and down and laughing because you just shit your pants and you think it's funny.Mathishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14476038719165077711noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7112981.post-1134507334310879232005-12-13T12:55:00.000-08:002005-12-13T12:55:00.000-08:00You are correct on one point Craig: my ideas are w...You are correct on one point Craig: my ideas are worth way more than 100 dollars and therefore I would feel justifiably upset by such miniscule appropriation. Believing that guards would be honest and incorruptible is like believing that your sand dollar-sized nipples are actually worth 2 dollars. And since most prison guards belong to strong and very corrupt unions, one can therefore deduce that they most likely vote for welfare state democrats. On top of all that, since my ass and head are both equally handsome, I can understand your difficulty in deciding which to address.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7112981.post-1134502434136832122005-12-13T11:33:00.000-08:002005-12-13T11:33:00.000-08:00Sometimes I just sit and wonder at the amazing cos...Sometimes I just sit and wonder at the amazing cosmological coincindence that brought you, Mr. Farmhand, and I, Mr. Mastodon, under the same roof and born into this world from the same parents. It's like Einstein and Newton being brothers or something.<BR/><BR/>Should we take this offline? Are we doing a disservice by airing these ideas so publicly? Goddamn, we're on FIRE.Mathishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14476038719165077711noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7112981.post-1134501726575176552005-12-13T11:22:00.000-08:002005-12-13T11:22:00.000-08:00Whatever you had for breakfast, have some more and...Whatever you had for breakfast, have some more and pass the plate. This is Grade A material.<BR/><BR/>Can't help myself from "riffing" on your ideas:<BR/><BR/>1) The funding for your J-money scheme could be raised by creating reality television shows, Apprentice-style, that track the most competitive and successful prisoners. These shows could be hosted by Mr. T. Instead of "firing" unsuccesful prisoners, they "go to the hole!"<BR/><BR/>2) The retelling of the Trojan War is pretty much perfect. If it was Angelina Jolie, then Brad Pitt could lead the Army just like he did in the movie. Brad Pitt could get interviewed by Barbara Walters to recruit volunteers for the Army and imply that only pussies wouldn't be scared to go fight the North Koreans.<BR/><BR/>3) What if there was just a show called, "Catch and Release," and each week a different species was hunted, captured/tranqualized, then released? Or they could actually shoot the animal, like a turkey or a monkey, and have emergency surgeons on hand to save the animal's life and then reward the animal with a luxurious life of freedom as a pet to some Hollywood star? The wild animal/now pet could then have its own reality television show.T.S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/15745703013751139450noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7112981.post-1134500798298011202005-12-13T11:06:00.000-08:002005-12-13T11:06:00.000-08:00Money in prison? Craig, it's quite obvious who wo...Money in prison? Craig, it's quite obvious who would work and who would not. Then we would have to hear you cry about the class inequalitites and inherent unfairness towards those on the bottom rungs of the socioeconomic penal system. We would also have new problems involving extortion, loansharking, bribery, laundering, and all other forms of corruption taking place within the prisons. It's probably not a good idea to give prisoners a means to hold power over one another while behind bars. All in all, I think we should keep prisoners busy with the things they are good at: anal rape, weightlifting, and shiving one another. Jeez Craig, pull your head out of your ass.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com