Geocaching

Wait - where DOES the red fern grow?

"The Onion Movie"

I wonder what The Onion AV Club reviewers would say about "The Onion Movie" if they were allowed to write about it. I'm guessing they'd slam it pretty hard for being a steaming pile of poo.

Was Jesus the Smartest Person Who Ever Lived?

And if He was (and, for the doubters out there, I think I could strike up a pretty sound argument on behalf of the idea that - by definition - the son of God had to [and has to] rank right up there with the best of the best of the brightest), then is it reasonable to assume that he knew about gravity but didn't tell anyone? What kind of a dick move is that? Or that he knew that the Earth revolved around the sun but was like, "aw, I'll let 'em figure it out in a few thousands years, let a few people die trying to prove it, no skin off my back."

I mean, if you think about, here's a guy who performed miracles (e.g. turning water into wine) which clearly involved a pretty advanced understanding of chemistry and physics - advanced and unknowable even in this day and age. Yet he didn't even take the time to tell people about proper hygiene or simple mathematics that would have greatly improved and extended the lives of the people that he "died" in order to save.

Jesus, bro. No love for science. Disappointing.

CORY BOOKER DEMOCRAT

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a pretty big Obama supporter. Mostly out of animosity for the Clintons and all Republicans, but somewhat because I genuinely like the guy and think he's got his head screwed on straight.

But if you want to know who I think is the most intelligent, inspiring, and incredible politician in America, there is no question that it is Cory Booker. If you haven't seen the Oscar-nominated documentary Street Fight, do so.

An if you haven't watched the most recent Bill Moyers Journal in which Cory Booker is interviewed, do so.

Cory Booker is just a damn inspiration. I am officially a Booker Democrat.

COMMERCIAL

Last night, while watching television, I became angered at the premise of a commercial for a new line of healthy but delicious yogurt. You may have seen the ad. A young woman enters a laundromat/seamstress/tailor shop (confusing location is strike one) and hands the old woman behind the counter her clothes. She then proceeds to tell the woman that she needs her clothes "taken in" because of all of the delicious food she's been eating lately - key lime pie, Christmas ham, Boston Creme Pie, bacon, chocolate cake, Johnsonville brats, whatever - and naturally the old woman behind the counter smiles and, though she's a bit confused, politely, says, "okay then, you'd like them taken out." At this point the young woman gets indignant and says that no, in fact, she would like them taken in: like, der, you mean old lady. And then of course the kind seamstress is perplexed and tries to clarify the intent of the young woman - are you sure you don't mean you'd like the hem to be taken out?

To which the petulant young woman expresses her outrage that this older woman might think she has gained weight - take them in, dammit, and shut your pie hole, old lady! Geesh, I mean it's not like the young woman waltzed into the store and, unprovoked, immediately and oddly started rattling off all the fatty, unhealthy things she's been gorging on recently. Oh wait. That's EXACTLY what she did. And THEN the young woman has the cajones to get all huffy, simply because the polite lady behind the counter was trying to be nice and polite and respectful?

Do advertisers ever think about this stuff? Or do they just stay high 24 hours a day and write down stuff like: dancing bears, singing, creamy puffs, lots of hats, indie rock music, hot girl, swirly graphics, talking tree...

I don't get it.