Monday, July 12, 2004

TENDERLY

This weekend the American Mastodon kept himself busy by entertaining a couple of older folks from out of town. These "parents", as scientists call them, were in beautiful Los Angeles, USA for a day and a half, and to the make the most of their visit, the American Mastodon took them to a Dodgers game. Though the AM was a bit peeved he couldn't down some cool Coors at the ballpark (the AM's parents are notorious teetotallers), the game was enjoyable and the weather was sublime. Enjoyable except for a single event, which has confused the bejesus out of the AM ever since.

In the row of seats directly in front of the AM and his parents sat a young Oaxacan couple and their quite portly 12 year-old son (the AM knew they were Oaxacan because of their short, stocky frames and chocolatey-mole-like body odor). The son, clearly adored by both parents, sat in the middle and seemed quite reasonably thrilled to be at the ball park. All was right the world, as the organist played a stirring rendition of "Charge!". However, nothing great ever lasts forever, and things took a turn for the fucking bizarre somewhere in the middle of the fifth inning, when after a few Coors himself, the father put his arm around his son and began playing with his ear. This startled the AM and confused him; from his experience, the delicate act of the finger lazily encircling another's ear was an act of affection displayed often and only by lovers. Thinking that the boy would shoo his father's hand away, the AM was even more surprised to see the son lean closer to his father and put his head on his father's shoulder. The father, clearly noting the reciprocation, began to even more tenderly and delicately feather his son's ear with his fingers.

The American Mastodon wishes to know if, in the opinion of the experts who frequent this blog, he should be calling the Welfare department or whether, and scientists have presented this latter theory as an abstract to the journal "Science", he was just not loved enough by his own "parents".

6 comments:

Jessica said...
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T.S. Farmhand said...
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T.S. Farmhand said...

Or something.

Jessica said...

What I meant to say was:

I find it excruciating to think you sat through an entire (or at least the majority of) a game without the aid of a single beer. Baseball without beer is un-American, not mention rather boring.

Mathis said...

Baseball is America's pastime. It can be enjoyed with any number of beverages, some of which are decidedly non-alcoholic. The American Mastodon wonders if this "Jessica" is really just a lush, propagating a hidden alcholic agenda in the comments section of his blog.

Jessica said...

"Jessica" believes many American treasures and traditions are better endured with a few drinks under her belt. While she would never endorse operating heavy machinery under the influence, Jessica finds most aspects of the American experience - such as The State of the Union, paying taxes and baseball - to be tolerable only with a few Coors Lights in her belly.

How dare you reduce me to using the third person.