The American Mastodon isn't entirely sure what this news article is saying, but it sounds an awful lot like the "Voodoo" version of "Raising Arizona".
A point of near-constant discussion in college between the Mastodon and his friends centered around which current African-American actors would portray the Mastodon and his group of friends in the "Voodoo" film version of their lives.
And, just in case you were wondering, the smart bet for the lead character of "The Mastodon" is still Usher.
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
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14 comments:
I would fancy you more of a DMX...you're hard core.
How about Sisqo?
For the record, I still maintain that Usher blows. He is a poor man's Justin Timberlake. Or, let me put it this way: Usher is to Justin Timberlake as Smash Mouth is to Sugar Ray.
thong tha-thong thong thong
You, sir, are wrong; wro wrong, wrong, wrong.
Usher is a sex-addicted maniac with a penchant for fine acting and deltoids to match. Sisqo needs to go back to making fudge in the suburban Baltimore mall of his youth (T.S. Farmhand can bring you up to speed on that one, if you're so interested).
Usher will be around in 10 years. JT will be his "producer". Mark the Mastodon's words. He's as wise as LA Reid, and gets more poon.
I have to interject and say that Sisqo doesn't hold a candle to Usher and that Usher can't even compete w/ the Timberlake. So the order is this (from best to worst):
Timberlake
Usher
Sisqo
Don't even throw Pharrell in the mix, that's a whole other story.
Sisqo is, like, 2'6". Having seen you in person, my nominee is Ms. Tique, or possibly Walter Hudson.
Granted, Sisqo might be too short to play the American Mastodon. But how about Sisqo in platform shoes? Or always shooting him from below? Make him look a wee bit taller. It works for Tom Cruise and I'll bet it'll work for Sisqo.
As the AM is aware, King Koopa keeps his ear to the ground to discover tales involving milk, lemonade, fudge, and/or Sisqo. So, indulge me, I'd love to hear a story about Sisqo at the mall making fudge.
milk milk lemonade, round the corner Sisqo is workin at the Marble Slab Creamery.
Here's the deal: Sisqo used to be in Dru Hill (named for a park in Baltimore -- Druid Hill Park). Dru Hill was a bunch of ugly dudes who sang while they made fudge at The Fudgery at the Inner Harbor in Baltimore. They used to get huge crowds of people marvelling at their beautiful singing and remarkable fudge-craft. This was in the mid-90's . . . I remember it like it was yesterday. Then they got famous, quit the fudge business, etc. Sisqo then broke out on his own with the "Thong Song," and no pop star has been able to match his brilliance since.
If you don't believe me just Google "sisqo baltimore fudgery."
Shoot, now you got me all hyped up for a Dru Hill reunion tour.
Final thoughts on Usher: he's got the personality and charisma of a saltine. So, if you want that dude portraying the voodoo-you, you better dull down that American Mastodonality that we've all come to know and love.
How about Jameel White? "Did I do that?"
TS: Thank you for coming through in the clutch. I knew you had it in you.
KK: "Anybody got any cheeeeeese?"
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