RED-FACED AND SMALL

Last evening as the American Mastodon returned home from the local video store and made his way back to his apartment, he stumbled across a silly sight. In the parking lot of the pizza shoppe and olde pub neighboring his residence he discovered a large, outdoor congregation of that lecherous yet pragmatic breed of humans known as "the Asians". In this small parking lot were perhaps a hundred of these diminutive specimens, drinking alcohol and wearing embroidered sweatshirts covered in Greek letters.

As he made his way through this sea of hard-working overacheivers and notable sufferers of the "Asian Flush", he saw at least three denizens throwing up at the group's periphery. All three regurgitators were dealing with their issues alone, tending to their shame without friends or comfort.

He wonders if women of the Asian descent are equally cold, frigid, and non-comforting. There was a reason why the AM left the climes of Siberia and Mongolia for the expansive tundra of Northern America, but he knows not what it is.

The AM hopes to someday collect ample evidence in this matter and even, if possible, do his best to promote a legacy of warmth, love, and comfort in the women of this wonderful race.