Wednesday, December 15, 2004

AND NOW, ANOTHER NEW SEGMENT

In which I transcribe passages from hilariously poorly written books that are soberingly enjoyable to read.

This segment's novel: Dan Brown's prequel to "The DaVinci Code", "Angels & Demons".

****

"I have people here at the lab very adept at extracting user information from the Web," the man said.

Langdon was skeptical. "Sounds like your lab knows a lot about the Web."

"We should," the man fired back. "We invented it."

Something in the man's voice told Langdon he was not joking.

****

Modern symbologists had tried for years to forge the word "Illuminati" into a perfectly symmetrical style, but they had failed miserably. Most academics had now decided the symbol's existence was a myth.

"So who are the Illuminati?" Kohler demanded.

Yes, Langdon thought, who indeed? He began his tale.

****

Hatha yoga? Langdon mused. The ancient Buddhist art of meditative stretching seemed an odd proficiency for the physicist daughter of a Catholic priest.

****

Olivetti turned, peering down at Langdon. "I have a woman in shorts telling me that a droplet of liquid is going to blow up Vatican City, and I have an American professor telling me we are being targeted by some anti-religious cult. What exactly is it you expect me to do?"

"Find the canister," Vittoria said. "Right away."

"Impossible. That device could be anywhere. Vatican City is enormous."

"Your cameras don't have GPS locators on them?"

"They are not generally stolen. This missing camera will take days to locate."

"We don't have days," Vittoria said adamantly. "We have six hours."

3 comments:

Analogcabin said...

This is the best thing you've ever posted.

King Koopa said...

Laughable indeed. Sounds like it was ghostwritten by Keanu Reeves.

Rob said...

Some of those actually gave me the chills. Still, in all fairness, Faulkner couldn't write a compelling crypto-thriller if his life depended on it. Three cheers to Dan Brown for making the most out of the little he was given.