Friday, December 03, 2004

NEWS ON THE MARCH

Word today from Mastodon City that the kid from Junior year of high school who, inexplicably, trailed me from class to class once for an entire day, grunting all the while, and in the process scaring the living shit out of me, was recently apprehended and thrown in city lock up by the local authorities.

Ruban Wilson III, 25, of 709 W. Market St., Mastodon City, arrested for two counts of dealing marijuana, both Class C misdemeanors. His bond is $20,000.

In the same bust, the Mastodon City police were fortunate enough to nab one of the nation's most well known anti-Semites and inventor of the assembly line.

Henry Ford, 42, of 340 E. Levi-Lee Road, Mastodon City, arrested for dealing cocaine, a Class A felony. His bond was set at $20,000.

Times-Union. They report, I decide.

4 comments:

King Koopa said...

Poor Ruban, all he wanted was somebody to notice him. The grunting, the illegal drug trafficking...it's all so clear, he was just looking for attention. Sounds like the modus operandi of a Packertonian, no? But, we all know that no one ever leaves Packerton...it's the force of attraction of the Coke machine.

Anonymous said...

A wise man once said, Be careful which woman you charm. For some have large boyfriends who aren't afraid to bring a verbose blowhard down to size.
You know it's true.

Uncle Grambo said...

Dear Anonymous,

Are you REALLY using the comments section of a BLOG to challenge someone to a fight? Even worse, you seem to be purporting that you're some kind of tough guy ... dude, let me tell you, REAL tough guys don't even what a blog is, let alone anonymously comment on one! I think you should loosen up your girdle, take that baby bottle out of your piehole and spend some time figuring out why your girl dumped you for a Wooly Mammoth, er, Mastodon. Ferreals.

King Koopa said...

Oh no! Maybe it's Ruban blogging from county lock-up...For your safety, I hope you're still doing tae bo, Masty