Tuesday, March 15, 2005

MAN OF DUST

Last week, I believe it was on Tuesday, I thought to myself, "Why is it that I always feel sick?"

Today, dear friends, I found out why. I'm sick.

It's not that I'm a hypochondriac (this is a point I argue with a few of my friends who accuse me as much), because part of being a hypochondriac involves feeling as though you are prone to catching communicable diseases. I, on the other hand, have an impressive immune system, due to my numerous allergies, asthma, and fierce fear of the world. It knew at an early age that it had to adapt or endlessly suffer; live free or die. As a result, I rarely if ever get flus or colds. Regardless of this, I always feel as though I am ill with something; granted, ill with something chronic and incurable. Why do I feel like this? Call it a proven track record.

So, back to the basics. I'm sick. And it's definitely something viral. Sore throat, my ears are hot, and my body is incredibly cold. Yet still, in the back of my mind, I'm holding out hope that my sore joints, my stiff neck, and my blurred vision is an early sign of leukemia, or possibly something arthritic.

A boy can hope. No?

3 comments:

King Koopa said...

Put 2 and 2 together, Chachi. You've got the Bayou Fever, the Cajun Cold. I guarantee.

Unfortunately, I've heard the cure is pretty weird. It involves treating your nutsack like a voodoo doll.

Anonymous said...

No, no, you're both wrong.

AM's just having his first menses!

Congratulations, Mr. Mastadon.

Mathis said...

I'm sorry to let you down, anonymous, but it turns out that it wasn't menses, after all. It was cancer. Airborne viral cancer. With a dash of the HIV. Not something I'd wish on anyone.