Tuesday, March 22, 2005

THERE'S SOMETHING QUITE WRONG WITH MY THUMB

And I fear that it may be leprous. It's prickled and pickled; covered in little, itchy pimples. But mind you. Just one thumb. And only the thumb, no more and no less. The back of the thumb, the front of the thumb, the sides of the thumb, but not the base of the thumb, not the index finger, not the palm, not the back of the hand. Just a thumb that looks like it was stuck inside a thicket of poison-ivy sphincters and doused in radiation.

I'd search WebMD but don't know where to start. Do the physicians in the house have any probable diagnoses?

Now here's a phrase I know I'm going to be uttering more than a few times in my life: Where, oh where, is House, MD?

5 comments:

King Koopa said...

As you know, I've got an MD in BS, so naturally, I'll give you my opinion free of charge: Due to prolonged sucking of the thumb into adulthood, your opposable digit has developed a sudden rejection of your body's own saliva. Most curious.

Mathis said...

Koopa, if you're going to leave a comment on my site, I ask that you at least try to be funny, or relatively witty. You can do so, so much better.

Anonymous said...

Wittier than "Where, oh where, is House, MD?"

That's hard to believe.

"Laura A."

Mathis said...

This may surprise you, "Laura A.", but in this instance, with the shape that my thumb is in, I'm genuinely wishing for the care and attention of House, MD.

House, MD - his name is House!

King Koopa said...

"Laura A" has got a good point, I can only do so much with that which I am given.