Wednesday, June 01, 2005

DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE/DO BELIEVE THE HYPE EDITION

1) Don't believe the White Stripes/Get Behind Me Satan hype. I mean, yeah, it's better than most of the shit out there, but - and here's the problem - it's not better than their other albums. Jack White has finally (in a record three years) made the successful transition from the genuine article, a fiery country preacher leading his devoted flock to the river for a rock baptism, to smarmy snake-oil salesman. Buy his balm if you wish, but it ain't gonna heal your now cancerous lack of taste.

2) Do believe the Werner Herzog hype. Sure, there's no such thing as Werner Herzog hype, but there should be. I could start it. Hey, everyone!! Check out the new Werner Herzog film! It's fucking amazing!!

3) I should've told you all not to believe the Star Wars hype, but who would have listened to me? Anyone? No, no one would have. So what would've been the point? I didn't see it, I'm not going to see it, and I don't want to see it. You saw it, and now you're regretting it. Am I right? Am I?

4) Don't believe The Mountain Goats hype. They might have one or two good songs, but so did The Spin Doctors. And since they release so many albums, their ratio of good to bad songs is roughly equal to the number of days I wake up without crying.

5) Is there Shakira hype? Shouldn't there be? Have you seen her new video? It's hands down the sexiest music video I've ever seen. That includes the Enrique Iglesias ones. I think I even popped a chub when I saw it.

6) Do believe the Cubs hype. Season of destiny? They're getting closer to the Cardinals every day. When Woods gets healthy, forget about it. Pennant, here we come. Seriously. Seriously. No, seriously, I have to be this delusional, otherwise I wouldn't be a Cubs fan. Kick it, Kyle.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

You better give credit where credit is due, cowboy...
Who told you the Shakira video was hot?? As I recall, AM was pretty damn dismissive at the time. And take a look at you now, Mr. Believe-the-Hype. Next thing you're going to be all raving about M.I.A...

Mathis said...

Oh. My. God.

Don't speak of M.I.A. again. She's almost - almost - as bad as The Streets. In thirty years when you're trying to explain to your kids why you ever listened to that crap, you'll think fondly back to two things: me telling you how ridiculous you were at the time, and your own parents trying to explain their abundance of Toto albums.

Anonymous said...

Like my parents ever listened to Toto...
And you still haven't apologized for stealing my hype.
Admit it, AM.
Who can American turn to, if not the American Mastadon?

Mathis said...

I admit to not believing the Shakira hype. Then I saw the magical mysterious spectacle, with my own eyes, and was converted. But I think I speak for everyone when I say there is a very natural hesitation in approaching any sort of creative output by Shakira.

But, hey. Guys. Gals. I'm on your side. Really, I am.

T.S. Farmhand said...

Have you heard the whole album yet (speaking of White Stripes)? I am curious as to your dismissing the album before it has been released.

As to your other opinions, they are kind of sad.

Mathis said...

I have heard the whole album. I don't dismiss it whole cloth, I just wouldn't put it ahead of De Stijl on the list of things that rock my balls. And if the rest of the list makes you sad, remember that Jesus makes us glad. And if you have a frown, He'll turn it upside down.

Oops! Here comes a smile!!

T.S. Farmhand said...

Well, that's a damn shame. Maybe those kids will make some more unselfconscious crazy rock n' roll yet. Maybe. Which reminds me, I've always wondered why that Pinball song hasn't made it on an album yet.

I do admire you rooting for the Cubs and Werner Herzog. Wouldn't it be great if Herzog wrote a Cubs movie? Maybe the Cubs are forced out of town after yet another losing season, and they go on the road, maybe ending up in the Guyanese jungle, playing baseball against pygmies who think they are gods, and they go crazy, killing the pygmie nation with their baseball bats, then themselves? That would be a pretty good movie. Old Klaus Kinsky footage could be cleverly spliced in so that he was "the coach."

King Koopa said...

Hype-related ball-rocking musical question: Are you hyped to hear a new album by The Darkness?

Analogcabin said...

Let's play a little Jeopardy:

Answer: He said, "The White Stripes are better than Led Zeppelin."

Mathis said...

Question: Who is, I never fucking said that?

Though De Stijl ranks up there with any great Zep album, I would still cop to that.

Analogcabin said...

You said it, and I can tell you exactly when: Driving in that smelly Corolla down Clark, en route to Metro to see a show... I think it was Bright Eyes. You were subjecting me to "White Blood Cells" at the time. I was understandably incredulous, for Led Zeppelin was the acme of rock and roll.

Mathis said...

Clearly your memory fails you. First of all, it was a smelly Sentra, not a smelly Corolla. This naturally undercuts the accuracy of the rest of your recollection. I do believe that I might have said something to the effect of, "these guys have the capacity or the potential to someday be greater than Led Zeppelin." Never would I say that they were better than the Zep.

Unless I was stoned. And I don't remember being stoned for that show.

But anyway, I was young and unwise during that "lost year" in Chicago. Actually, I believe that I am still in the middle of those lost years. But now I am much older and wiser and no more worse for wear and I think that the points I've outlined in my post will stand the test of time. Of this I am confident.

King Koopa said...

Why oh why doesn't anybody ever respond to my blogular queries? C'mon, you know the next Darkness album is gonna blow goats...is anybody with me?

And, to add to the White Stripes deal, when the AM introduced me to them, I believe he compared them to Led Zeppelin and called them the next Nirvana. Begrudgingly, I must admit that the curmudgeon, ur, the AM was not too far off.

Bleach=W.S. first album (raw, and hint of greatness to come); Nevermind=DeStijl (masterpieces); In Utero=Elephant (great, but naggingly inconsistent follow-up to a masterpiece). And, both groups spawned the musical trends grunge and garage, respectively.

By my calculations, Jack White should be blowing his head off any day now.

--Iggy, the Insufferable Music Geek

King Koopa said...

dadgummit, I forgot the forgettable "White Blood Cells"...which blows my whole stupid theory...

Mathis said...

Dude, White Blood Cells is hardly forgettable. It's quite good. Union Forever, anyone?

I am the soothsayer of a generation. What some call a "smoovesayer".

And the Darkness album? Eh, I'd be suprised if there were more than two or three good songs on it.

Danny Fisher said...

You saw it, and now you're regretting it. Am I right? Am I?

Yes, you are. And you have no idea how much it pains me to say that.

Alisa said...

Okay I know I'm going to be completely shot down here. But "white Blood Cells" could be as good, maybe even better, than "De Stijl." Sure it's poppier but it's also fun and totally rocks out.

Mathis said...

Alisa: It could be, but it's not. In my humble opinion, of course. I think that White Blood Cells is their second best album, but it does have the consistency of quality that De Stijl does. De Stijl is a perfectly realized album. In much the same way Kristofferson: Kristofferson is.

Mathis said...

I mean "doesn't have".

Alisa said...

Freudian slip. You subconsciously agree with me.

Mathis said...

Yes I do! I mean no I don't!