Wednesday, March 29, 2006

SUGGESTION BOX

I'm now officially taking suggestions for what to do with my life. I know Krupke is a cop. Perhaps I could don the blue suit? Or maybe I should pursue my dream of taxidermy and glass sculpture. Peace Corps/adventure guide in some barren brown-skinned land seems fitting and inspiring as well. This is all I know: I can't keep going to this job. I must find a new way. A shining path.

Please. Tell me what that is.

24 comments:

Danny Fisher said...

Well, you ARE an exceptional writer. Something to do with wordsmithery, perhaps?

And, if you've been described as "a decent lay," maybe you have a future as a gigolo.

Mathis said...

I think that that would require me to be a better than decent lay.

Mathis said...

Also, I think that it would require me to be gay.

Very, very, gay.

Ian said...

Have you thought about the abrasive supply business? I hear it's a growth industry.

King Koopa said...

How about being a Paralegal? You'd get to do research, prepare briefs, and basically all the legwork that lawyers don't want to do. Beats the shit out of going to law school.

I don't know, I think if you're making a change that you should go back and take some additional classes to stimulate some brain cells and learn something new. Paralegal classes might do that.

Anonymous said...

I'm gonna have to side with Shakti on this one. On both counts.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps an in-depth, investigative report from the depths of the gigolo industry is in order.

You'll be like a little perverted Peter Jennings.

Rob said...

You said it yourself--join the Shing Path, the brutal Peruvian leftist guerilla group. Or, if you like school, go for an MFA.

Analogcabin said...

Wow, Koopa. That's your suggestion? A fucking paralegal? Why not suggest dental assistant or retaurant manager?

The message seem clear: Maybe shooting for the stars isn't for you, AM. Try just shooting from the track lighting in the kitchen.

Mathis said...

First of all, I'd just like to say that I've always considered myself to be like a little perverted Peter Jennings.

Second of all, Koopa, I'm not sure if you were being serious or not, but as Cabin suggests, your suggestion may be the most depressing thing I've heard in a long time. "What do you want to be when you grow up, son?"

"Well, Dad, that would have to be either a Senator, a doctor, or a paralegal. I'm just not sure yet."

"Son - stick with the paralegal. Just trust me on this one."

T.S. Farmhand said...

Marine biologist?

King Koopa said...

That was certainly unexpected. After all the shit I write on here, this is the comment that people actually respond to?

I guess I was shooting for a real world suggestion and something you could get into relatively easy and it's something that seemed to fit your interests and abilities. You like to research things and you write like you're making a case for something. Would you be smarter than half the lawyers you'd work for? Probably, and I bet you'd enjoy it. I guess I don't understand what all the hubbub is about. All I'm saying is that if you took one of those career aptitude tests, I bet paralegal/lawyer comes up pretty high on the list. Criminy, since when did paralegalism become so looked-down upon? Out of all the careers I could think of that you could get into relatively easy, that seemed like the closest fit.

Sue a brother for being realistic.

King Koopa said...

As a point of reference, I've been dealing with a friend of mine who wants to go from being a "document specialist" (read: copy boy) to being a managing editor at Marvel or DC Comics. I wish he would be more realistic in his goals. Maybe I'm just a dream-squasher.

Anonymous said...

How about becoming the leader of a steel drum band?

Anonymous said...

Or, a survey photographer out west.

Anonymous said...

I was going to suggest "Fluffer"... but...

You're NOT gay???

Really?

Mathis said...

You're NOT gay???

Define "gay".

King Koopa said...

Dude, you're such a f'n Dobler!

"I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that." - Lloyd Dobler, from "Say Anything"

Ofc. Krupke said...

The law enforcement job market is your oyster, Young Mastodon.

Trevor Jackson said...

Grad school's not a bad idea. Just don't pay for it. Get an assistantship.

Actually, I might look into that paralegal thing. For real. Or a taxidermist/massage therapist.

Trevor Jackson said...

I mean, for me. Yeah, taxidermy. Huh.

Anonymous said...

I think you should be a day-laborer. You could mill around in front of the Home Depot looking for work. When a pick-'em-up truck drives in, you jump in the back with 3 or 4 others and it's off to a building site/warehouse/drug cartel's processing facility.

When the INS shows up, you'd be the only one left, and you'll have as much work as you want.

Granted, the wages aren't great, the work sucks and you get no benefits, but think of the freedom!

Walter Cash said...

Coke dealer. There is absolutely nothing cooler than a coke dealer. Think of the power. The women. The blow.

Your choice is clear.

Anonymous said...

Journalism is obviously your thing. Or professional blogger. Or professional blogging journalist.