Wednesday, April 12, 2006

HOW MUCH CHUNK IN THE TRUNK IS TOO MUCH CHUNK IN THE TRUNK IF TOO MUCH CHUNK IN THE TRUNK IS NOT CRUNK

A scientist who clearly spends much more time thinking about women's bottoms than squeezing women's bottoms has devised a formula that purports to calculate the perfect rump; shake-a shake-a rump shake-a.

According to the article, the magical figures are (S+C) x (B+F)/T = V, where S is the overall shape or droopiness of the bottom, C represents how spherical the buttocks are, B measures muscular wobble or bounce, while F records the firmness. V is the hip to waist ratio, or symmetry of the bottom, and T measures the skin texture and presence of cellulite.

This study seems suspect and shabbily devised to me, and though I appreciate its creator's zeal, I must say that I'm not entirely impressed by his results. Butts are like boobs - they way they feel often betrays the way they look, and vice versa. The only true way to determine the quality of a fine steak of ass is to squeeze both cheeks with both hands. Until that study comes out, I remain unimpressed.

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