Tuesday, July 06, 2004

END TIMES

The American Mastodon has suffered through more than one epoch, and therefore he feels like he knows when things are starting to turn sour. Tomorrow he'll shed his summer coat, stock up on some tubers, and start making his way toward the lovely plains of northeastern Greenland. It's not that he thinks the world is coming to an end or anything, but he hasn't been to Greenland in a while, and it's really nice there, and, well, whatever.

5 comments:

T.S. Farmhand said...

Better is the end of a thing than its beginning.

Ecclesiastes 7:8

Mathis said...

Perhaps, T.S. Perhaps. Luckily, if the end does come, I'll already be in the aforementioned Greenland, a place where things like this don't often happen.

King Koopa said...

I believe I may have caught the American Mastodon in a conceptual gaffe; mastodons shed winter coats as summer coats would mammalogically superfluous. Animals with summer coats didn't survive beyond the Mesozoic Period because they couldn't maintain proper water levels in their body. As a consequence, they spent most of their summers by the pool, getting fat, slow, sunburnt, and easy to kill.
And, I'm not sure you should be shedding anything before heading to Greenland anyway, it's colder than shit there.

Mathis said...

The American Mastodon implied that he was shedding his summer coat - molting, if you will - in order to begin growing his winter coat. The fur of the winter coat is denser and softer to the touch, and is prized by runway models in Milan.

T.S. Farmhand said...

It really does perplex me, this question of what would be worse: The West Coast Big One vs. The East Coast Mega Tsunami.

"Worse" meaning how much damage it would cause to me, of course. So I'd probably say the mega tsunami would be preferable.