Thursday, July 22, 2004


Last night's Landscape Architecture class was another uninspiring three hours of mental hand-wringing, if there is such a thing. After arriving 20 minutes late (which marks his third consecutive tardy appearance), class prodded along uneventfully as always. At the 20 minute break, the AM headed downstairs to grab a pizza slice and chatted with a few of his fellow LArch's, one of whom was a smoking young lass named "Fawn", or "Fern" or something else equally ridiculous. Fern, after introducing herself, then very quickly (and I must say deftly) inserted into conversation the fact that she was a "Latter-Day Saint". Very little gets by the American Mastodon, and one should be warned that just because he/she is mildly attractive, absent of visible physical deformities, and does not smell as rancorous as the moldy dishes in his sink, the AM will still judge him/her harshly, even severely, if his/her belief system is one that was once propogated by an insane polygamist who claimed to have seen angels and giant salamanders. Fawn and the AM then retired back to class, where he sat through another hour of idiots asking stupid questions, and idiots not being able to use their rulers correctly, and idiots just being real idiots in general.

After class the American Mastodon travelled to a bar and consumed some alcohol, then returned home where he consumed some more. He regrets that his swell of resolve regarding last night's maiden exercise ritual did not come to fruition. Here, then, is an example not of a project being abandoned, but silenced before it had a chance to begin. The Mastodon would like to be able to invigorate himself again by enchanting some platitude: "Tis better to have gone for a jog and stopped halfway through, then to have never jogged at all", but when one gets right down to it, he just doesn't care that much.

Today the AM is hoping to blog all over the blogosphere's respective tees, natch, like schmobvs in '04 Big Willie Style. His boss is off cavorting in Amsterdam with the cast and crew of Deuce Bigalow II: European Gigalow. And no, that's not a punchline to a missing joke. When you work in LA, as the Mastodon does, it is quite nearly a source of pride to be the "man-behind-the-man-behind-the-man" that assembles the paperwork needed to complete the production and financing of films that serve no purpose other than to make rich Jews richer. Dante wrote about it, and I believe so did St. Paul.


Ian said...

Did you know that there's a password that, when spoken to a Latter-Day She-Saint, instantly transforms her into a wicked raunchy sex machine who never sleeps?

No? I guess I dreamed that. Damn.

Mathis said...

Ian, the American Mastodon begs you to divulge this password that you speak of.

King Koopa said...
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