Wednesday, July 21, 2004


The American Mastodon is very sleepy today. But really, why should he be sleepy? He sits behind a computer screen all day and "generates documents." It's not like he's riding a bicycle up 30 degree slopes for weeks on end, his solitary testicle shriveled and sweaty, his fay biker's hat tilted at a discriminate angle as hoardes of foul French spit at him and jeer his national pride. No, alas, the American Mastodon is a lazy sack of tubers. He's got no excuse for this sad fact, and tonight plans on threading up his Reebok cross-trainers and hitting the tarmac in an effort to silence those nagging voices in his head. We'll see if this newfound dedication to the improvement of the physical form is something the Mastodon is diligent enough to continue. Scientists often note that the Mastodon is notorious for starting projects he does not finish. They are still attempting to discern whether this is a result of the species having interests in too great a variety of fields, or none at all.

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