Tuesday, July 20, 2004


The American Mastodon had reason to get excited last night. He and a couple of friends hatched a scheme in which they decided to spend their Labor Day weekends hiking through the John Muir Wilderness together. Though the other gentlemen do not share the 'Don's unrivaled level of enthusiam for tubers, they are the sort of hardy young lads that the American Mastodon enjoys spending time out-of-doors with. You see, the AM loves men, and being close to men, and the out-of-doors, and sweat, and tubers, and America. These are just a few things that the Mastodon loves.

One of his most memorable experiences was hiking through New Zealand a few years back, specifically the Tongariro Volcanic Range, a stretch of insanely odd, but insanely beautiful geological fuck-ups. Apart from the Mastodon's confessed man-loving, he would like the world at large to know that it is his plan to someday con(vince) a lovely and lucky lady Mastodon to retire away with him forever in New Zealand, where day trips to the Tongariro Range could be a monthly, if not weekly, event.

Come on ladies. Just look at those sparkling sulfur lakes, those slopes completely barren of vegetation, and those gorges spewing forth hot volcanic steamy-stuff. Huh? Huh? How much you likey? Damn, the Mastodon knows, baby. The Mastodon knows.

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