Monday, August 02, 2004


The American Mastodon isn't quite sure what to make of the fairly recent news that an approximate 15,000 dogs will be gassed in Athens before the start of the Olympics. Of course the AM is an animal lover; being an animal himself, he is sympathetic to their plight.

However, in harder times, the idea of drowning a few pups, or putting an arthritic cur out of his misery through the declarative end of double-barreled shotgun, was an almost merciful act. How is gassing 15,000 stray dogs any different than shipping them off to the pound and putting them down with a quick injection? Before you snap to judgement, all you do-gooders and self-professed animal lovers, at the situation in Greece, think to yourself why you have not been in a tizzy that millions of animals are killed here in America all the time, whether for lameness, manginess, or dirty-rottedness. I would implore you all to look within yourself:

I'm looking at the man in the mirror / I'm asking him to chaayaange his ways

Also, as Analogcabin Jones heads off to the West Coast, I'll be taking over again at The Spoonbender, our nation's last bastion of truth, hope, and sacrifice.


King Koopa said...

Personally, I'd rather dropkick a dog halfway across the room than look at it. So it's possible I'm biased in this discussion, but I don't think dogs have any place at the Olympics in Athens. Don't they have their own competitions? I know for a fact that they do, I've seen them really late on ESPN3: The Non-Human Sports Channel. Isn't that enough for those bitches? Did those dogs really think they could just come over to Athens and take over our athletic competitions, our Olympics? Olympics are for people. Dogs aren't people. Therefore, logic says they should be gassed before they try and take over something making movies.

Reagan said...

I once had a hamster that was annoying me b/c of it's incessant wheel-spinning so I set it free in my back yard. My parents assured me that it would be okay by saying, "Where do you think hamster's come from?" I had never thought about it, but I was pretty sure they were not born and bred in the piney woods of East Texas. I may have only been 8, but I knew this much.

Mathis said...

That's a head-spinning question of meta right there: "Where do you think hamster's come from?" Although, if I were to guess, I'd say that hamsters originated somewhere in Germany. I'm not sure why I think that, but I do. And also, do people still own hamsters? I don't think I've seen a real, honest-to-goodness hamster in about 5 years.