Wednesday, November 10, 2004

THE END OF AN EXTINCTION

The American Mastodon wishes to be honest with you. He wishes, above all, to reveal himself to you and let you know how much he loves you, and cherishes you. He feels that he can no longer connect with you - on the desired emotional level - while still acting out the charade, this fanciful masquerade, that has become the cornerstone of his on-line life. The Mastodon has chosen, therefore, to stop referring to himself in the third person.

There are two reasons why the American Mastodon is doing this.

First, it is at times difficult for him to muster the energy to write a quick, pointed, hilarious, or sexy post knowing that he must, in the process, rearrange the cascading epiphanies into the voice of an extinct North American mega-mammal. Sometimes the Don just wants to rant a little.

Second, the good ole Bull Moose has successfully wrestled the mantle of "world's most articulate Great Plains-grazer speaking in the third person" from the 'Don. And he does so with great panache.

I have no choice but to forge a new path. And upon this path I dare now tread, I speak clearly, directly, honestly to you. I. Speak to you. I.

I, the American Mastodon.

3 comments:

King Koopa said...

Wow, it's like watching Hellen Keller learn sign language in 'Miracle Worker'. What a watershed moment.

Anonymous said...

Thank god. I see wonderful days ahead....

Danny Fisher said...

So does this mean you'll post, like, bi-monthly now?