Friday, March 25, 2005


People, I'm fine. Maybe I sounded a little bitter in that last post, but I'm - I'm -I'm - I'm just being honest. And though I appreciate the concern in your emails: "Why are you so angry?" "You seem so...jaded." "What does it take to cheer you up?", rest assured that all is not doom and gloom in my life, and certainly, there are many things in this world that put a smile on my face. Let this list be the ying to my previous post's yang.

Things I dig:

1) House, M.D.
I don't watch situational shows on television, except occassionally Arrested Development. I trend toward the reality television/sports/Food Network-esque programming. But man, I'm really gay for House. He's Princeton's most brilliant doctor, and every week he finds a way to save a person's life. Of course, being so intelligent, he's a natural misanthrope and hates most everyone he meets. You can see why I like this show. I'm a brilliant doctor and I hate people. But lord. I love House.

2) Boobs
This should be pretty obvious. I don't have them myself, which naturally adds to their allure, but in addition to that there's just something about them that makes me just adore them. I'm actually even more gay for boobs than I am for House, if you can believe it. In fact, there are times when I search the internet for pictures of them, or scour through friend's pornographic magazines to bear witness to their physical splendor. I mean, I know they're just boobs. But come on. Boobs. I love boobs.

3) Direction
Last night as I drove home from The Decemberists show, I heard Stand by R.E.M. on the radio. I've always been sort of out of the loop when it came to that song, because when Stipe demands, "Think about direction, wonder why you haven't before," I remember thinking, the first time I ever heard the song, "but I always think about direction. I haven't not wondered about direction before." I just really like maps and knowing where I am. I love direction.

4) Puppies
I know it's a cliche, but puppies are really cute. In fact, if you're a puppy, then you're pretty much golden in my book. How do they have so much energy? How can they love life so much? All they want is to be outside, run around, chew things, and play catch. These are, largely, things that I also want to do. I can only hope that if I'm a good enough person in this life, I will come back as a puppy. The thing is: I really love puppies.

Happy Good Friday everyone!! Er, wait. I guess today is when the Jews killed the baby Jesus. Hmmm. That reminds me.

5) The baby Jesus
It's kind of hard not to love the baby Jesus. I mean He is the son of God, for goodness gracious. That's enough for anyone to stand on, but the cool thing about Jesus is that he wasn't content with being God's only Son. He did so much more than that, like washing our sins away, and rising from the dead, and feeding the multitudes, and loving a bunch of whores and stuff. Listen: never forget that JC was an outlaw who was persecuted by the state. In other words, if you're going to be a badass, do it Jesus style, with a lot of love, a soft voice, a robe, some sandals and a kickin' beard. I really, really love the baby Jesus.

Go eat some chocolate crosses, everyone!!


Jimmy Saffron said...

I read in the news that the Pope appeared at his window today, but did not speak.

Perhaps it's because you've spoken for him.

Anonymous said...

Hey Masty after reading your blog which isn't to bad by the the way, I can see that you are wound pretty tight so sorry......your friend yale bloor

Anonymous said...

Would you please come back as a puppy? A papillon, perhaps?

Mathis said...

Jimmy S -- As I am a descendant of Jesus Christ and Michelango, there are quite a few things that the Catholic Church and I do not agree on. Me being the mouthpiece of God, and by proxy the Pope, is not one of them.

Yale Bloor -- Thanks for stopping by. Don't come back. Or rather, come back when your genitals mature and you learn to spell.

Anonymous -- The Papillon is sometimes called the butterfly dog - because the ears look like butterfly wings. It is a friendly, intelligent dog that is tougher than it looks, and loves outdoor exercise. A gentle and affectionate dog, lively, vivacious and charming. Playful and amusing but can also be calm, patient, gentle and dignified. Steady and silent. Loves to be cuddled but also likes to romp outdoors. Need I go on? I think not.

Anonymous said...

I know, I know. But you forgot to mention how nervous they are, and how yippy.
Anyhow, they're still my favorite.