Wednesday, March 09, 2005


To all of the faithful readers of the American Mastodon, I apologize for the recent lag in both the quality and quantity of my posts. I have only myself and my increasing despair of the relevance and purpose of my life to blame; while the rest of you may enjoy reading about how "fuggly" a certain celebrity is, or whose "tees" deserve the daily "bovs"ing upon, I can't help but think that the world is a petty, evil place, full of petty, evil people. This thought crushes my soul and my will to live. My body, nothing but a shell of skin and tendons containing the dust that was formerly my ambitions and hopes, creaks and rasps like an old rickshaw. Though I've stopped drinking alcohol, I wake up each morning with a hangover. The only solace I find during the day is the thought that everyone around me will someday die. At night, when I should be sleeping, I lie awake and debate whether I should get up and use the restroom. When I do use the restroom, I wonder why nothing will come out.

During my lunch hour, I weep until my body is expunged of moisture.

So, in other words, I'm sorry if I haven't written much of worth lately.

Does this not inspire pity?


King Koopa said...

Damn. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't feelin ya, brotherman. Although, I'm hoping my case is season-related.

As far as you constipational issues, I would suggest increasing your fiber intake. I started taking Metamucil recently and I've been shitting with alacrity ever since. That's no lie.

Walter Cash said...

Perk up. This kind of writing not only sucks but makes me feel bad for you, and that's not what I want to do while I'm at work.

Mathis said...


Thanks for the kind words. But in this time of darkness, when I needed you most, you told me my writing sucks.

My insides hurt and I scratched my rash so badly, it's bleeding into my pants. It's so dark outside right now I can't even see past the street. Maybe tomorrow will be better. If there were bugs crawling all over me, I don't think I'd flick them off. I need the warm embrace of a woman that loves me, but no woman would love me, because the world is a lonely place and my destiny is pain and isolation.

hayamor said...

Be true to yourself. You have several beautiful islands approaching your ship on the horizon! Look ahead and don't forget this is what makes! A woman is truly important but not to make you feel like you belong. Let's go body surfing in the ocean tonight and we'll see how you feel at that point.


Mathis said...

Ok, but seriously, guys. That dog is pretty sad looking. Huh?