THE CURRENT CURRENCY

Would you believe me, dear readers, if I told you that today, while surfing the 'net, I came across a humorous news article? One that put a smile on my face and gave rise to a quiet chuckle? Oh, internet. How I love thee. (softly strokes monitor, drools on keyboard)

This particular news story (click here if first link doesn't work) is straight out of Balti, aka B-Mo, pka Baltimore, the city by the sea, where a disgruntled Best Buy shopper decided to pay for his car stereo's instillation with - and only with - $2 bills. All $114 dollars of it. 57 bills. Pretty funny. I mean, if he really wanted to piss them off, he would have paid in pennies, right? But this is better, because he's using currency that is somewhat archaic but still legal tender. Kind of like saying, "I want to punch your face right square in your ugly maw - but instead, I'm going to remove my leather glove and swipe you gently across the cheek. Huzzah!" Only thing is, Best Buy didn't find it so funny. As a matter of fact, they got downright mean about it, foregoing the classy "Nice one, chief. You got us right good," and skipping directly to the, "Sir, please come this way, where you will be handcuffed to this here pole, and where you will wait patiently as we call in the Secret Service, because it is our attempt to embarass you and your godforsaken family, you miserable sack of shit, you pile of crap."

I say, Go America, Go!! Leave no rock unturned in this dangerous post 9/11 world.

On a personal level, this reminds me of yet another story involving strippers. Whilst in New Orleans, a friend who could not attend sent with the bachelor of the trip an envelope full of $2 bills, the intent being that he could go out at night and tuck $2 bills into the tiny garments of inumerable (or until the $80 ran out) exotic dancers. The strippers, not used to getting $2 bills stuffed into their nasty little thongs, would be intrigued enough to pay undivided attention to the stuffer of bills in the hopes of acquiring more ("I need me more of them $2 bills from that funny-looking fella over there, he must be famous or something, he makes his own money just for hisself, what a creative little guy, holla!")

If I remember correctly, which I'm sure I don't, the plan did not work as hoped. Apparently, strippers care less about odd currency than they do about taking money of all kinds from men of all kinds at all times, in all situations. I should be mad at them for not understanding the subtelty of our humor, but they are strippers, and as such, can do no wrong. Sigh.