JUMBO FUN

If I had a child, or a number of children, or if my nephew lived closer to me than he does, or if he were old enough to understand what "words" were, or if I were a preschool teacher, or if I were in a state of authority over any children in any way, however small, I would impart upon them all the wisdom I've accrued through the years. As a man who has faced myriad trials and tribulations, and conquered them, I don't think it's self-indulgent to admit that I've got a pretty good idea how this crazy world works, and that I've got a few ideas as to how to go about navigating through it. I'd pop a squat in my Shaker-style rocking chair, pack a pipe full of soft tobacco and PCP, throw on an old cardigan, sit them all around the fireplace, and let fly with the stories from the war, the fishing boat in Alaska, the time I sold a gaggle of camels for a harem of women outside Dubai, and then, in hushed whispers, let them in on a couple of life's most essential facts: that necessity is the mother of invention, and that strip clubs are awesome.

Now, I know that the two may sound incongruous, pushed up so close together like that, but believe me they are not. The good people of Erotic City, a small dance studio in Boise, Idaho, know exactly what I'm talking about, and I'd bet dollars to donuts that you do, too. In an effort to get around the Boise city ban against nudity, this family dancing establishment decided to host 'Art Night', a weekly event where club patrons are given sketch pads and pencils while the dancers are totally nude.

Say what you will of its immorality or corrupting influence on the pulpy, soft brains of our youth, but I say that this is American ingenuity at its finest, and though I may stand alone, I applaud it, albeit, unfortunately, at this time, just for a couple more minutes, with only one hand. (I'm drawing!! I swear!!)

All is not peachy, though, dear readers. Cause there's a danger in loving stripclubs too much, and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust, and there's a reason why people don't stay where they are, because seriously, if Jumbo's ever did something like this, you wouldn't really have to wonder where I was.

Because I'd be there.