SO...WOULD YOU?

My roommate, whom I love very much, albeit in the same, protective, mysterious way that I love my retarded cousin, enjoys occassionally tormenting me by asking me annoying questions, or saying annoying things. In other words, he enjoys provoking me. And it is only right to admit that a man with well-established sensibilities and an unfounded righteousness, such as myself, is easily provoked. One thing he enjoys saying is, "(Insert name of awful celebrity) is so brave." Such as, "Ashley Simpson is so brave," or, "Amber Frey is so brave." Another thing he enjoys saying is, "Hey, you should put that in your movie." For instance, say one of us will be walking around the apartment and accidentally knock something over. He'll then say, "Hey, you should put that in your movie." Annoying, huh? But see, it's satisfying for him, because he's a fucking prick, and he doesn't care about my emotions.

There is one game, however, instigated by his devilish tomfoolery that I don't mind engaging in. We shall call it the "Would you?" game. It started, I believe, long ago, on a cold Monday morning, the two of us preparing for work by exercising our daily ritual - the watching of an early morning episode of "Sportscenter". Linda Cohn was one of the anchors, and as the cameras cut to a close shot of her face, my roommate simply turned to me and asked, "So...would you?" Since that time, the question "Would you?" has come up often between us, and is usually quickly resolved with a "fuck yeah", "fuck no", "why not?", or "if I were drunk". Sometimes, however, the question lingers and no correct answer can be given. Listed below, for your amusement, are some of the greatest "Would you?"s the world has to offer.

(Note: All "Would you?"s are hypotheticals, and thus, hypothetically, the question is, "would you do it with this person at the time the photograph was taken" and not, as one might think, "would you do it with this person as they may look at this present time." Thank you.)


Early-90's, straight-haired Delta Burke. Would you?


Totally hot but totally crazy and probably really annoying after you did it Gillian Barberie. Would you?


Crazy, dirty, and stinky, but a legend and I'm guessing a real firecracker Janis Joplin. Would you?


Depp. Easy answer for the girls, tougher for the guys. Simply put, if he asked you to, would you?


Way too old and tons of plastic surgery Raquel Welch. Still, would you?


Early Connie Chung. Would you?


Mary Cheney. Would you?*

That's all for now. If you can help me answer any of these important questions, or if you have questions of your own, don't hesitate to let me know.

*I keed! I'm a totally keeeding with a you!