Wednesday, October 12, 2005


Telly from Kids, after hearing that suicide bombers find a place in heaven with grapes and wine and 72 "gazelle-eyed" virgins, has a conversation with his friend, Casper.

Telly: Waddup, yo?
Casper: Hey fucker.
Telly: I got something on my mind, I've been thinking about.
Casper: Rap at me.
Telly: When you're young, not much matters. When you find something that you care about, then that's all you got. When you go to sleep at night you dream of pussy. When you wake up it's the same thing. It's there in your face. You can't escape it. Sometimes when you're young the only place to go is inside. That's just it - fucking is what I love. Take that away from me and I really got nothing.
Casper: I hear that.
Telly: Did you know that Islamic martyrs, when they die, they go to heaven and are surrounded by virgins for eternity?
Casper: Really? But don't you have to kill yourself?
Telly: But like, if you deflower a girl man, man, you're the man. No one can ever do that again. You're the only one. No one, no one, has the power to do that again.
Casper: Right. The way I see it. My outlook on the situation. It's like getting fame, you know what I'm saying? Say you was to die tomorrow right, fifty years from now all the virgins you ever fucked are gonna remember you. Right? They gonna tell their grandkids about that shit.
Telly: Right. Only you're in heaven.
Casper: Yeah, and they're all yours. No need to be worrying about diseases and shit.
Telly: Condoms don't work. They either break, or they slip off, or they make your dick shrink. Nah, but you still gotta use em, yo. At least I did once.
Casper: I hear that.
Telly: Virgins. I love 'em. No diseases, no loose as a goose pussy, no skank. No nothin. Just pure pleasure.
Casper: How do you think those bitches smell up in heaven?
Telly: The perfect virgin bitches with the gazelle eyes?
Casper: Them's the ones.
Telly: Like butterscotch, yo.

If I knew how to do photoshop, I'd draw a fake beard on his face and a turban on his head and dynamite sticks poking out from underneath a jacket. But I don't. But I do have an awesome friend, Barry Kailey, who made this picture for me:


Jimmy Saffron said...

Re: the title. Don't sell yourself short. This post is in VERY poor taste.

Mathis said...

Come on, people. That picture is hilarious.

cna said...

I think it's great that jimmy saffron called this post in VERY poor taste, even before you updated it with the photoshopped picture. I wonder what that makes this post now? Also, the dynamite in the underpants is a nice touch. But the phrase "dynamite in the underpants" is reminding me a little too much of this post .

Mathis said...

Whatever, dude. Everything reminds you of that post.