Wednesday, June 30, 2004

INDEPENDENCE DAY

In 1712, when the divine Cotton Mather provided the first scientific description of an American mastodon, the huge size of the remains attracted immediate attention on both sides of the Atlantic.

The American Mastodon is looking very much forward to the approaching long weekend, though he is still unsure exactly how he will be spending it. Today at lunch he attempted to convince a friend that a fortnight trip to a well-known National Park would be a fun and enjoyable sojourn. Any time the Mastodon can get out of the city and back to the open pastures of his natural habitat, he is a happy Mammut. Still, the American Mastodon is concerned that it may not be the best idea to spend the weekend in a National Park, as it will inevitably be filled to the gills with other day-hikers and pleasure-seekers. If he had his way, which he does not, the American Mastodon would shut the park down and forage for days, gorging himself on the numerous and plentiful indigenous grasses, fruits, and, of course, delicious tubers that the park has to offer.

Scientists have often commented on the American Mastodon's insatiable appetite for tubers.

The American Mastodon, while still pursuing the above-mentioned option, will more likely than not just sit at home and watch a movie, or see a rock-n-roll show, or hang out with friends, all the while funneling warm PBR down his USA-loving snout.

Yet in a culture in which extinction was not thought possible and scriptural precepts governed scientific analysis, mastodons defied analysis.

4 comments:

T.S. Farmhand said...

Quality, not Quantity.

Mathis said...

The American Mastodon wonders if T.S. Farmhand is saying "tis better to have only blogged one entry than to have blogged more"? Certainly Quantity is the least of the Farmhand's worries.

T.S. Farmhand said...

"Artistic inspiration ignores the law of supply and demand."

Mason Cooley (b. 1927), U.S. aphorist.

King Koopa said...

I give this thing about 2 months before The American Mastodon closes up shop and keeps all this vital information to himself. Alright, maybe 2 months until the American Mastodon quits referring to himself in the third person. On a different note, I wish the American Mastodon a fun-filled holiday weekend as he delves into his newly acquired Mama's Family - The Encyclopedic Guide dvd set (w/ script notes for every episode!!).