Monday, August 23, 2004


Today the American Mastodon is working. First time in a few weeks. It makes him happy. He's not enthused, per se, but it's better than sitting behind his diminutive computer screen at home, cranking away at his industrial-strength wench, hoisting his despair higher and higher until, at that final moment of release, his apparatus catches on a snare and the whole edifice comes crashing down at his feet. Or his wrists.

Jesus, was that necessary?

What does the AM do at work, you ask? Well, lately, he enjoys Google-imaging random shit. For instance, typing in "What is your problem?" produces this image:

If he had to guess, the AM would say Alzheimer's.

Addendum: The AM just re-read this post and he had an idea. What if there were a website called "What is your problem?". In the same vein as "Are you hot or not," people with various terminal physical or mental problems could submit a photo and visitors could vote on which "problem" they think the person in the photograph has, i.e., maybe they have cancer, AIDS, chronic impotence, MS, schizophrenia, etc.

What's that? In bad taste? C'mon, mofo's: it's the internet.


Reagan said...

You've just given me something new to do at work. I thank you for this.

Bre said...

AM, I think you are one of the funniest people in the whole wide world.


King Koopa said...

The problem I have with that photo is that at first glance it appears that grandma isn't wearing anything under that sweatervest. That's an asshole puckerer. C'mon grandma, your rockette days are over, leave the flesh-colored body suits to Britney and the Olympic figure skaters.

Mathis said...

R: No problem. Anytime. Don't mention it. Ain't no thang.

B: Thanks for saying that. Come to LA and we'll make out. Unless you're a guy. And even then, we can negotiate.

KK: You, sir, are impertinent!

Bre said...

AM, I am indeed female. And I'm coming to LA next weekend. I'm not even kidding. It's like, fate, or something.