BACK; IN BLACK

American mastodons had coats of fine underwool, overlain by coarser guard hairs ranging from amber to dark brown.

The American Mastodon apologizes for his week-long absence. What with the news of so many other bloggers retiring and fading into the fray, the AM took time to ponder his own place in this crazy alterna-nerd-paradise known as the blogosphere. And kiddies, the conclusion he's drawn is this: blogging is a total waste of his time, but so are a few of his relationships, making his bed, and watching pretensious french films, but he does them all anyway. Out of habit? No, friends. He does it out of duty.

Not doody. Duty.

There really is nothing of interest to report. He will admit that his desire to forage and wander is growing greater with each passing day. Beyond that, our intrepid, proboscidally-enhanced and tusk-bearing protagonist admits nothing. His life has been far too shameful and sorry as of late, and for the record, there have been no visits to milfhunter.com. None at all. The Mastodon gets turned on by only two things: tubers, and the promise of tubers.

American mastodons ranged from Alaska and the Yukon to central Mexico, and from Pacific to Atlantic coasts.