THE GERIATRIC GENERATION

"Grab the wheel!" 70-year-old Kenneth McAllister recalled shouting to his wife, Mary, and another woman.

The women held the steering wheel until McAllister could slide into the driver's seat. He struggled to keep the bus in its lane and hit the brake. It stopped just before the highest part of the bridge.

Last night, over beer and potato skins, a friend and I engaged in a lively, spirited discussion covering many topics. At one point, I expressed my reverance of old people. Frankly, I stated, it's my opinion that the geriatric among us get a bad rap. Sure, there's a lot of things that aren't "cool" about old people. They smell funny. They have poor control of their bladders. They think they're wonderful drivers. They're crotchety.

Hey pal - if you want live in that "half-empty" sort of world, be my guest.

No, those people have it wrong. Old people Kick Ass. They do this in all manner of ways. They do it by using racist terms in inappropriate situations. They do it by passing gas whenever the need arises. They do it by dressing themselves improperly and acting like they can't hear you when you try to tell them that their dress is inside out and their pantyhose on their left leg is bunched up around the ankle. They do it by sitting in their recliner wearing no shirt for days on end, eating snack-snized Snickers bars and watching the 700-club.

And now, they do it by saving a careening bus from sliding off the edge of a cliff.

Old: the greatest age.